I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize