I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
