I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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