i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
