There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
