Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
