6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
