Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
