just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
