True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize