My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
