I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
