If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
