lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
3 2 1 whiskey
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
