Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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