Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
