Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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