Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
