I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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