Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
