Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
