i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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