Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I understand Curling. That high.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
