You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
