I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
