I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
