apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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