i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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