Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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