You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
