I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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