The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I still have a little drunk in my system
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
