i just had sex bonerless
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
