guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize