I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
