I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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