his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
