The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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