The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
