you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize