My hand turned me down
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Shame - the story of my life.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
