i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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