are you so shy because you have an std?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
