just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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