he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
