wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
