High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
