if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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