Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
