Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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