This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
