his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
