I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
