well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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