please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
