is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize