woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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