A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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