I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize