as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
