oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
