Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
