DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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