How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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