like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Can vaginas get frostbite?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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