we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
sarcasm needs its own font
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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