During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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