apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
