She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
