i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize
