Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
