On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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