I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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