there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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