We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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