I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
