dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
