i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
