I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
