Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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