My room smells like vodka and shame
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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