So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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