I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
