Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
