nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I hope mine doesn't look like that
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
is it fun? or sober?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize